stiff

and i can see everything. everything and everyone is me at once.

and i feel nothing.

i've done so much dreaming in the past few nights, and the only thing i have to show is lofty ideas that overshadow my being. it's in the prospect of criminality and theft that i keep contacting you. be a criminal and keep in touch.

face in my hands, i'm left here. i'm left weeping for whatever it is that humanity has lost.

these transitional nights keep my throat dry and my head aching, but it's what i crave.

because when you long for the anguish and pain

you dig your own grave.

tipped

in this dark place i feel at home. i feel surrounded and cut off from everything that makes me uneasy. i feel able to extend my fingers and create shapes and patterns. colors and hues. i decide what's detrimental to the delayed thought process enveloping my actions and precautions. and i've decided it is.

i know what i am, but not how i was made. i don't know who manufactured me or who glued me together with enormous magnification lenses. i don't know how i fit in here or how i came to be here. but here i am. surrounded and living. i'm a ship in a bottle, and i'm stuck.

forever trapped, am i. and forever free, i am.

i'm fucking with light switches. living in the darkness and the light. making a life out of balance.

sickly.

i'm becoming fairly sick. my stomach is urging me to feed it, but i can't bring myself to lift my tired head from this lethal position. i came here on the crest of a wave and was slammed into the earth until my stomach was pink. pink with frustration and pink with hunger, my mind wandered elsewhere.

it wandered and wandered.

and i've arrived in the first person becoming sick again. not physically sick this time, but rather sick with myself. sick with others and sick with being ill. everything is in my hands and i just don't have the power to enable it.

when seeds dig under your tough layer of skin, breed and make socially acceptable homes. when they start to spread and preach manifest destiny. when they build railways, flying machines, automobiles, etc.

you can see them lying under your skin and you wonder what keeps you lying to yourself.

why won't they grow?

you can't allow anything to bloom, because you'll kill it.

go ahead. kill it.